555

Oftentimes, while watching a movie or television, I tend to spot certain things that temporarily ruin my suspension of disbelief. Some of them being...

 

Using "555" for fictitious phone numbers 

Though it is standard for movies, the use of a 555 number is probably the biggest S.O.D.-ruiner on this list. More movies should just play it smart(-er than Bruce Almighty) and reserve an actual number; it's just psychologically satisfying.

Actors who don't smoke properly 

Many people smoke, it's the unfortunate truth, which also means that many people are inclined to notice when an actor does not smoke "properly" (no inhalation, awkward holding of the cigarette). With acting as a profession, a couple convincing puffs from an herbal cigarette shouldn't be a problem and such subtle smoking mannerisms should be taken into consideration.

A bad accent 

What I could probably expect from Emma Watson in the upcoming Perks of Being a Wallflower. No offense to her though, learning new accents are undoubtedly difficult (especially within the same language). With that said, notes should be taken from Rose Byrne or the guy who plays House, and not from Keanu.

Pushing mongo

This isn't as prevalent as the others on the list, but I've definitely seen it happen at least 3 times (I can't remember the shows/movies, sue me); the "avid" skateboarder being briefly seen riding awkwardly in the mongo stance. Maybe it's an esoteric thing that isn't significant enough to account for, or maybe they're pushing mongo ironically.

Product placement

No matter how subtle or clever the placement may be, the slightest mention or presentation of a brand leads one to think "Hey, what I'm watching is entirely fictional, and I know this due to the product placement I have just witnessed." Even though the most clever instances of product placement (so blatant that it's funny, breaking the fourth wall) may distort your S.O.D., entertainment value isn't always compromised because of it.


Now, none of these majorly distracting, but as proposed, there are definitely solutions to avoiding these subtle defects that unfortunately bring you back to reality.

Playlist #4

1. Strangers by The Kinks
2. You & Me by Penny & The Quarters
3. Don't Worry Baby by The Beach Boys
4. Debaser by the Pixies
5. Sleep Patterns by Memoryhouse
6. A Day in the Life of a Fool by Frank Sinatra
7. Lost Ones by Lauryn Hill
8. The Change by Noreaga
9. The Hardest Button to Button by The White Stripes
10. Melody Day by Caribou
11. I Can't Tell You Why by the Eagles
12. Turn Smile Shift Repeat by Phantom Planet

Today's Word

Over-laughing: When one's laughter overlaps the actual amount of humor experienced, in a condescending effort to belittle those, in the surrounding audience, with a lower capacity for comedic comprehension.

Titanic Redux (The Fruits of Boredom)

So, I'm here to propose a brief little theory that the movie Titanic left out some key details and that old Rose was a retrograde amnesiac who could only correctly remember events leading up to Jack's "death".

As shown here is the iconic scene of Jack's supposed death.

However, Jack miraculously washes up onto the shores of Thailand, alive and seemingly aged 13 years.

After a proper amount of sunlight, Jack reacquires his youthful appearance, and goes on adventures and what not with his new friends.

Meanwhile, upset over the apparent loss of Jack, Rose hits bottom; she moves to Germany, becomes a Nazi, and hooks up with an underage German bookworm.

Jack, too, harbors feelings for Rose. He subsequently takes up aviation and flies to America in hopes of reuniting with his long-lost lover.

Rose is also back in America and now assumes wild hair colors, indicative of her troubled times in Germany. She strikes up a memory-loss-ridden relationship with Jim Carrey, but ends it for a 2nd and final time once she learns that Jack is back in town.

By fate, they reunite. Initially, Jack is furious about Rose not having allowed him any room on the floating door.

But the two eventually get over "door-gate" and finally become hitched. (Rose settles on blonde)

 

They hire a realtor (her son turns out to be Eminem's mom's boyfriend and Nelson Van Alden), who, by coincidence is the same lady from the lifeboat. After selling them a house, she is befriended by the couple, having made a connection with them as Titanic survivors.

And the Dawsons lived happily ever after. (Not really)

Save for the anachronistic subtleties, this explains the untold story of Jack and Rose Dawson, and how Kathy Bates is connected to Eminem.

Prince Rakeem & Ason Unique

Playlist #3

1. Aberdeen by Cage the Elephant
2. Just for a Thrill by Ray Charles
3. Dark Entries by Bauhaus
4. King Rides By by Cat Power
5. In the House by Pete Rock & C.L. Smooth
6. Gangsta, Gangsta by N.W.A.
7. A Certain Shade of Green (Acoustic) by Incubus
8. Fakin' the Funk by Main Source
9. Speak for Me by Cat Power
10. A to the K by Cypress Hill
11. Bennie & The Jets by Elton John

Movie Products That Have Become Reality

Sometimes when watching movies, we find ourselves thinking “They should really consider making that” and lo and behold, it’s happened before, they have made that…

5. Nike Hyperdunk “Air McFly”, inspired by Back to the Future Part II

Due to a high demand for an actual release of the fictional self-lacing shoes seen in the film, Nike followed with a limited, 350 pair release of Hyperdunks with a colorway made to resemble the aforementioned sneakers. The homage was clear, but many were hoping for an actual aesthetic replica. In 2009, Nike then filed a patent for powered laces... Who knows what we can expect in 2015?

4. “Booty Sweat” inspired by Tropic Thunder

Before Booty Sweat, there was BootyJuice; a similarly-sounding product that the fictional NWH (does the dude on the far right remind anyone else of Earl "The Snake" White?) from Fear of a Black Hat attempted to market. However, the makers of Tropic Thunder took it a step further by actually manufacturing and selling the drink in the real world. Yes, it was clearly film promotion, but how could we ignore the ingenious hilarity of an energy drink named “Booty Sweat” having been on the market?

3. “Talkboy” inspired by Home Alone II: Lost in New York

Originally a prop for the film, the Talkboy (what a little bastard) became reality after a high demand for the product to be manufactured. Just like in the movie, it’s a cassette recorder with the ability to alter speed and pitch. So if you’re a prepubescent boy looking to illegally authorize your dad’s credit card, go cop the Talkboy on eBay.

2. “Bubba Gump Shrimp Company” inspired by Forrest Gump(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Forrest_gump) 

Probably (definitely) the most successful movie – real life crossover on this list (‘til the real McFly’s come out). Odds are that you probably haven’t see ForrestGump; it’s readily becoming a cult-classic and it is one of the most slept-on movies of our time. It’s a pretty good movie, I suggest you check it out, and same goes for Bubba Gump Shrimp Co.

1. Face transplantation, inspired(?) by Face/Off

It can be neither confirmed nor denied that this John Woo flick had a direct influence on the conception of this real-life experimental procedure, but I’m making the connection anyway. It’s pretty amazing that something once seen as purely sci-fi has been made into reality. Granted, face transplant patients (Google image at your own discretion) aren’t able to pull off their faces at will, but that moment will one day come (2015, perhaps?) and Mr. Woo will be the one to thank.

And real quick, here are some products that should have been made already:

2. Red Apple cigarettes from Reservoir Dogs, PulpFiction, Kill Bill, Death Proof, Inglourious Basterds & more

The most notable of Tarantino’s fictional, in-movie brands, Red Apple cigarettes would have a great run at the smoke shop for collectors, QT fans, and avid smokers alike.

1. Scuba Steve from Big Daddy

Why not? Even Owl City is obviously making a push for Scuba Steve to be made.

And that concludes my list.

So this is the original version of my first post on Knocksteady before Intuition updated it; he changed a couple things, enhanced the formatting, etc and it looks good. I'm looking forward to doing more posts on KS, so look out for my stuff.

Update (6/30): Totally forgot about the Wilson ball from Cast Away!

Playlist #2

1. On Call by Kings of Leon
2. Nasty by Nas
3. Blues from Down Here by TV on the Radio
4. Fade Into You by Mazzy Star
5. Just For a Thrill by Ray Charles
6. Tame by the Pixies
7. Get It Together by the Beastie Boys Ft/ Q-Tip
8. Really by Intuition & Verbs
9. New York by Cat Power
10. Tales of a Kidd Drunkadelic by P.U.T.S.

C'mon, Tracy

I totally thought I posted this already; apparently not. Just pretend it's 3 days ago.

Tracy Morgan to return to Nashville to apologize for anti-gay rant

I don't buy it. Not one bit. His rant came from a place of hate and his expressions were true to his feelings. How one phone call, no matter how persuasive, can get him to do a complete 180 is just unbelievable. He can't just so easily change his mind on a matter that he seems to feel so strongly about. This is clearly a ploy to not further damage his public image and to lessen any backlash yet to be received, and so obvious, that I'm starting to feel that this post was pointless. I believe that he still holds some, if not all, of his hateful sentiments. Just from now on, he'll be more cautious of when and where to express them.

Playlist #1

Doing what Thom does on the Radiohead blog

1. Strangers by Portishead
2. Untitled #1 by I Am Kloot
3. Alec Eiffel by the Pixies
4. Andrew by Jonwayne
5. OkMikeG by Mike G
6. Psychotic Girl by The Black Keys
7. Black by Danger Mouse & Daniele Luppi ft/ Norah Jones
8. Who Is He (And What Is He To You)? by Bill Withers
9. U.R.A. Fever by The Kills
10. Landslide by Fleetwood Mac
11. Ava Adore by The Smashing Pumpkins
12. Detlef Schrempf by Band of Horses
13. Dirty Whirl Wind by TV on the Radio